


Gwaine and The Apple

by DarkWolf



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Crack, Other, Pure Crack, This Is STUPID, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-03
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2017-10-25 16:15:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/272239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWolf/pseuds/DarkWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Gwaine falls in love/lust with a fruit. Now with bonus Arthur chapter! </p>
<p>oh gods what have I done?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gwaine

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on FF.net and Tumblr

Gwaine had just entered his room after a long day of patrols with the Prince when he spotted it sitting inconspicuously on his table.

He picked up the plump form from where it lay cradled between rotting grapes and a deformed pear – such loveliness deserves more respect than to be placed among such refuse. He reclined against the silken sheets of his bed and propped his prize on his chest, marveling at its perfection. The sun shone through the window causing a halo to encompass its ruby red skin as he caressed the supple orb with his ruff, callused hand.

Never before has Gwaine gazed upon such stunning beauty. The innocent apple that lay upon him out shown all the many men and women he's bedded in the past, its flawless skin more dazzling than the finest court lady, its sent sweeter than the finest of perfumes.

As Gwaine continued to stroke the lovely fruit that lay above him he felt his arousal grow. He languidly ran a finger over its gleaming skin as he let his free hand run down his body and began to undo the laces of his trousers.

He had just undone his laces and was bringing the arousing fruit to rub against his throbbing length when Merlin burst through his door, panting looking as if he'd run the whole length of the castle to get there.

"Merlin, do you mind I'm in the middle of something?" Gwaine said, not bothering to cover himself, but instead possessively clutched his prize fruit to his chest while shooting a glare at his friend.

Merlin looked up from where he was bent over catching his breath and spied the apple clutched in Gwaine's hands and his undone trouser, but seemed pleased to see that things had yet to progress much further.

"Good I'm not too late then." The boy mumbled before saying a few words under his breath that Gwaine could not understand. Shortly after he felt a shiver go down his spine.

Gwaine bolted from where he sat and nearly threw the previously arousing fruit out the still open chamber door while simultaneously lacing his trousers. After years of being chased out of bed by angry husbands and fathers Gwaine was very good as lacing his britches quickly.

"What the hell was that!" Gwaine shouted and waved to where the apple landed in the middle of the hall.

Merlin just shrugged his shoulders. "Someone must have put a spell on you and Arthur while you were out on patrol. At least I stopped you before you did anything too embarrassing."

"What about Arthur?"

"Um… lets just say he won't being eating carrots for a while."

Merlin and Gwaine locked gazes and burst out laughing.


	2. Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carrots are good for more than just your eyesight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DON'T KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS. 
> 
> Gods save me there must be something wrong with me.

He let out a breath as the thick length penetrated his virgin hole. Never before had Arthur found please this way, but there was something about the feeling of fullness that left him panting for more. 

He groaned into the pillow his face was pressed against it as the pace increased, the hard spear hitting something in him that made his own length harden and beg to be touched. Over and over again that magical spot within him was hit, causing him to spasm with pleasure.

Why had he denied himself this for so long? Arthur knew that many of his knights regularly found pleasure with each other while out on long patrols, but never had he let himself succumb to the temptation to find similar pleasure himself. Always he had held back, believing a prince should be above such debauchery. What a fool he was. 

He moaned again has he felt his peak approaching. The pace became erratic as he attempted to find completion, wanting nothing more than to release with just the pleasure his new love was bestowing on him. He was almost there, so close.

"Arthur!" The name shouted from the doorway pushed him over the edge and the prince saw stars as he released onto the bed sheets, his hand stilling from where it had been pounding the hard length of the carrot into his ass.  He shivered as he pulled the root from his hole, turning to admire the way his fluids glistened on the vegetable. 

So caught up in his admiration Arthur completely missed the golden flash of his manservant's eyes and his mumbled words. 

Arthur dropped the ruined fruit as if it burned and turned, horrified, to Merlin. "WHAT HAPPENED?!" he bellowed, causing the poor servant to flinch.

Why did he? How could he? Arthur's mind was a jumble of thoughts -- feeling of disgust warring with feelings of mortification. He was the crown prince! He shouldn't be pleasuring himself with root vegetables! What if someone besides Merlin had stumbled upon him? 

Arthur shook his head and pushed away the troubling thoughts to glare at his manservant, who had yet to answer him. 

"Well, Sire, it... um appears you may have been cursed by an angry fay spirit while riding through the forest." Merlin quickly spoke tripping over his words. 

Arthur nodded his head, of course, he would never have done such a debased thing if he was in his right mind. "You speak of this to no one. Understood?"

"Of course sire, now if you will excuse me I need to go find Gwaine. I believe he was also cursed." His servant spoke before running out the door without waiting to be dismissed. 

Arthur huffed in annoyance and stood from his bed, grabbing the carrot he had defiled himself with and flinging it into the fireplace. He only felt slightly disappointed as he watch the vegetable burn. Wrong or not, Arthur had never been able to give himself such pleasure with his hand alone. 

Maybe he would join the knights on their next patrol. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I would add a second chapter to this story, but then I was reading over it and I couldn't help but add in Arthur's encounter with the carrot. Fear for me, because there is clearly something deeply wrong with my mind.


End file.
